It's hard to describe the gamut of emotions over the last day as I went in for my first clinic appointment since my general health overhaul. In my first blog I talked about the different excuses/reasons I could use for any declines in my health. The truth is, for the better part of the last three years there have been a variety of perfectly valid and justifiable reasons that I could use as my wife and I went through the highs and lows of IVF, pregnancy and new born infants. Now this doesn't mean that for the last three years I shirked all responsibility for my health, when meeting with my doctors and health team I generally took ownership of any short falls or disappointing results. However, in the back of my mind I would always know that if I applied myself the results could and would be better. The problem with taking hold of your life and doing the right things means that you no longer have that little voice in the back of your mind saying "it's ok, if you actually decide to, you can step it up, you can be better". No, that voice now has to say "Well, this is it, this is the best you can be" and you just have to hope that you're ok with the results.
That thought process is what actually led me to be nervous for the first time for as long as I can remember, maybe even ever, when it came time to do my PFT's. I knew they'd be better, the question was how much better. I wasn't nervous about my weight since I've been able to track that at home (more about that later), but with PFT's you just don't know until you blow. Was there only going to be a modest improvement of a few percent or would I see results of the sort that I haven't seen for the past five years. The truth of the matter is, the results were somewhere in between. On February 8th my FVC which measures my total lung capacity was sitting at approximately 95% from what the predicted measure should be based on my size and weight, my FEV1, which measures the amount of air I can expel in 1 second, was sitting at 58%. These are the two key metrics the doctors use in monitoring lung function. Today my FVC had gone up by 6% to 101% a good number and fairly consistent with my past as I've hovered between the 95-105% range for most of my adult life. My FEV1 moved up by 9% to 67%. I can't explain why, but if I'm being honest, my first reaction to those numbers was disappointment. I know that's not being fair or realistic. Those are dammed good improvements and I wasn't deluded enough to think that just by picking up jogging a couple times a week, going back to the gym and riding a stationary bike for a few weeks all my ills would be cured. I just wanted more ... but that's not a bad thing. If all it took was 6 weeks of work to undo years of malaise the lure of allowing yourself to fall into old habits wouldn't be as hard to resist. This will take a while, and I WILL have to earn it. The harder I work, the more reluctant I'll be to allow myself to waste that effort. My goal for my next clinic appointment in May is for my FEV1 to be above 70%.
Now for the funniest moment of my appointment which happened at my initial weigh in as Joanne, the Clinic secretary, had me step on the scale then went to write my result in the chart, only to come back because she was sure she had misread the scale ... I'd gained 15 and a half pounds since they'd seen me six weeks ago : ).
So all in all, when asked if I'm happy with my results today I'd have to say yes, but am I satisfied? Not a damn chance. When I started this a month and a half ago, I knew it was marathon, not a sprint. All today really did was reinforce that belief. Today marked the first mile. And thanks to all my family and friends that have been encouraging me so far because you have no idea the impact you've had in helping me keep going. It helps to know that I'm not on my own in doing this and if I start to let my foot off the gas a bit, there'll be a full bus load of people right behind me to kick me in the ass and get me back on track : ).
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